metaf:

oswinoswaldtheluckyrabbit:

greeneggiwegs:

he sounds like an irritated tumblr blogger like he’s not even trying to make it sound nice he’s just like r u srs house republicans get ur fucking shit together

I thought this was shopped, but it’s legit. (x)


The blame game starts, keep in mind, they shut down ,congress and the president still get paid.*shrug*, it won’t last, it never does. Just a scare tactic to get public ralled up,put pressure on one side to give in so they can get re-elected.

metaf:

oswinoswaldtheluckyrabbit:

greeneggiwegs:

he sounds like an irritated tumblr blogger like he’s not even trying to make it sound nice he’s just like r u srs house republicans get ur fucking shit together

I thought this was shopped, but it’s legit. (x)

The blame game starts, keep in mind, they shut down ,congress and the president still get paid.
*shrug*, it won’t last, it never does. Just a scare tactic to get public ralled up,put pressure on one side to give in so they can get re-elected.

121,390 notes

falloutbong:

dont hit men!!!!

dont hit women!!!

dont hit people!!!!

unless theyre into that in which case make sure you have a safeword

(Source: falloutbong)

184,065 notes

theobsidian-rinzilla:

japh-rost:

feferipixies:

internetfeet:

ccrayon:

Andrew Garfield’s superhero moment at Comic-Con..

Guys…someone finally did it! They dressed up in a shitty version of their character…AND THEN REVEALED THAT THEY ARE THAT CHARACTER! ITS FINALLY HAPPENED

THIS MAN

THIRD TIME REBLOGGING

563,091 notes

hotchocletyspider:

bardof-doom:

image

image

image

whoa there friend i think you need to slwo down

(Source: angels-demons-andtrolls-ohmy)

11,753 notes

thewhackkeys:

the government is shut down until the new Black Keys album comes out sorry I don’t make the rules

100 notes

Omegle Adventures Vol 5

The last one… for now.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Howdy, I’m Gary Johnson!

Stranger: i’m dilla dinata ._.

You: Nice to meet you Dilla. Are you also of the AOoFH?

Stranger: wht’s the aoofh?

You: The Ancient Order of Fetus Hunters

You: of course

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

**************

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: Heya, 17 f australia, bored..

You: GREETINGS FOOL! I AM DEEJAY SVEN, THE MEAT MAGICIAN

You: ALSO STEAK SORCERER

Stranger: nice to meet you

You: WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THIS FORSAKEN PLACE?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

**************

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi :-)

You: Salutations! I am the one they refer to as Deejay Sven

Stranger: ahh cool..im 11 my sis is 6

You: Have you been invited to the Hogwarts Wizardry of School and Witchingcraft?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

******************

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Have you been invited to the Hogwarts Wizardry of School and Witchingcraft?

Stranger: hi

Stranger: 18 czech female

You: Are you one of those women I keep hearing so much about?

Stranger: nice

You: Apparently they can birth live young

You: That’s pretty cool, if you ask me

You: Just spawning younglings here and there

You: you could raise an army of useless meatbags

You: and fling them at cars for fun and profit

You: People would probably crash

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

********************

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: horny m here

Stranger: Wbu

You: I’m a horny f

Stranger: ur age?

You: 19

Stranger: nice;)

Stranger: from?

You: down under hehe

Stranger: 20 cali us

Stranger: lol

You: lol

Stranger: u from?

Stranger: say

You: Sydney Aus

Stranger: here evening now

Stranger: n there?

You: Midnight

Stranger: Time?

You: 12:00

You: at night

Stranger: feel horny now?

You: always

Stranger: what you want do now with me?

Stranger: say

You: I want too

Stranger: what want?

Stranger: say ur wish here

You: i wis

You: h

You: i wish that

You: you

You: would

You: close your eyes while i whisper something in your ear

Stranger: okay

You: I whisper, “You and I could rule this city, Spiderman!”

Stranger: say proper

Stranger: what do you want?

Stranger: bye?

You: To crawl inside your anus and take you over, slowly getting everyone you know alone and then consuming them, one by one

You: Thereby erasing your very existence

You: Now THAT’s hot

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

*****************

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: hey

You: have a question

Stranger: m/f

Stranger: ok

You: kinda urgent

Stranger: ok

Stranger: ask

You: can you put a small child back together with duct tape, in about 15 - 20 mins? That’s when their parents get home

You: I’m babysitting for the first time

You: went a bit wrong

You: I tried to make them a glass of milk

You: but ended up getting them caught in the ceiling fan

Stranger: i can’t understand, what do u want to ask

You: CAN I FIX THIS MANGLED CORPSE WITH DUCT TAPE BEFORE ITS MOTHER AN FATHER ARRIVE

You: QUICKLY

Stranger: no

You: FUCK

You: Well, at least I collected all the blood

Stranger: m/f

You: so I’m not gonna go hungry this winter!

You: Gotta look on the brightside, y’know?

Stranger: can u provide some information about u

You: Of course not, you silly boy. The feds might trace this call

You have disconnected.

1 note

Omegle adventures Vol 4

Select Language▼

15,719 strangers online

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: Hello!

Stranger: No asl please.

You: why hello there!

Stranger: Hey!

You: of course not

Stranger: How are you?

You: I am fine, thank you. and your most wonderful self?

Stranger: Haha. I’m well thanks.

You: Splendid! Most wondrous indeed, sir/madam

Stranger: Are you British?

You: Well, I am often told that I sound like soap. But no, I am Australian

Stranger: Do you like vegemite?

You: Ah, the black tar-like substance, construed from yeast. It is.. not to my tastes, no. But then again, I am something of a carnivorous being

Stranger: Have you ever climbed into a kangaroo pouch and played poker in it?

You: I can’t say that I have. I have, however eaten a live joey. Oh, how we screamed, the children with terror, me with delight…

Stranger: Have you eaten a live child?

You: Oh, but now i’ve said too much. Such things are frowned upon in society, you know

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

***

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: theres a ghost in my house

You: Well i guess this is it.

Stranger: this is what?

You: this.. is first contact.

Stranger: indeed..

You: you must prepare yourself accordingly

Stranger: how do i go about doing that

You: Intone the ancient words “sow I arme ah grat beeg deck” in a hollow voice

Stranger: the deed is done

You: and now “whaddagu” followed by “syam”

Stranger: okay is that all?

You: now you must make a fist and tap your lower lip with your thumb knuckle four times

You: and then we can begin the ceremony

Stranger: okay its time to begin

You: don your hooded cloak and we shall dissect the rat. once the chil- rat, rather, has been split open, you must feast on its innards and wear its skin as a hat

You: then, an appariion will appear and ffer you a coconut

You: DO NOT ACCEPT THE COCONUT.

Stranger: why? what is wrong with the coconut?

You: It is out of season.

Stranger: oh that is terrible

You: they will then offer you a juice box.

You: this is the key.

You: accept it, and the phantom will disperse

Stranger: is there juice inside of the juice box? and what is it the key to may i ask?

You: there is juice… of a kind. And that is what you must discover for yourself, my apprentice. Try putting it anywhere it will fit and see what happens.

Stranger: what is supposed to happen? i would like to have a certain idea before i get myself into anything that might end badly on my part..

You: true, true. In order for the key to activate, you must remove the rat corpse from your head, and then place the juice box into a refrigeration unit. Wait 22 minutes for it to cool, and then drink it. You’re mind will open

You: And you will cease to make errors in your grammar, such as mistaking your for you’re

You: Oh, and don’t worry if cats start following you, that’ll pass after the shrimp licking finishes.

Stranger: but you see im not sure i have 22 minutes. i have this lingering feeling that something bad is going to happen to me very shortly that i will not be expecting. are you able to help me with that?

You: Well, you can skip the waiting, but the results are untested

You: I mean if you don’t mind seafood, go for it, by all means

Stranger: im not sure if i should be the guinea pig then im not a very brave person perhaps you should try and tell me the outcome

You: Oh fine, the interdimensional squid squad will emerge from your left nipple and consume all of your sadness, making you happier than you’ve ever been and rendering your immediate family with space herpes.

Stranger: wouldnt it be uncomfortable them coming out of my nipple? couldnt it be a bigger hole like my ear for example? amd i would quite like my family to have herpes im not the biggest fan of them

You: oh no, as long as you didnt accept the coconut, they will mereley form an interspatial rift there. They are very small molluscs.

Stranger: and if i did accept the coconut?

You: well.. i hope you like piercings.

You: in unusual places

Stranger: no im not exactly a fan

You: well heed my words and DO NOT ACCEPT THE DAMN COCONUT. I hope i have been helpful. If you require assistance dial your local police station and ask for the seventh sven.

Stranger: you have been of much assistance i thank you dearly

You: No problem

You have disconnected.

***

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: 19 female cali

Stranger: horny

You: Are you the Seventh Sven?

Stranger: wha?

You: Or perhaps you are the great god, Ken?

Stranger: haha i have no idea what you’re talking about, bro

You: Alas, my search is in vain.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

***

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Are you the seventh sven?

Stranger: i don’t think so

You: But are you sure?

Stranger: no

You: hmmm. Perhaps you are Ken, the great god who is fond of his male hen?

Stranger: no

You: but then… are you steven, the destroyer?

Stranger: no

You: harbringer of the coconut lightning?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

***

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

Stranger: f/22

Stranger: china

You: do you know what happened to little timmy?

Stranger: i am sorry.i do not.

Stranger: timmy,you mean the singer?

You: he was an f-22 from china as well. In the end, even the shrimpys couldnt find him

Stranger: any more info?

Stranger: its chines name could do a big favor.

You: I see how it is. You know about the mollusc revolt, don’t you?

Stranger: nooop

You: you cannot hide from me, you nocturnal sponge

You: I shall cleanse this plane of your like and win manyy a BAFTA along the way

You: For I am nothing if not musically inclined in my slayings

You: Do you not agree?

You: DO YOU NOT?

You: I AM FABULOUS AND DESERVING OF A BAFTA, GOD DAMMIT

You: LOVE ME

You: LOOOOOOVVVEEEE MEEEEEEE

You: I AM THE KING TACO

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

1 note

Omegle Adventures Vol 3

And then there were 3

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: I AM the walrus.

Stranger: i’m a hummingbird

You: Welcome, Mortal.

Stranger: no, my name is latrom

You: Ah. Try the meatloaf. It is… delectable.

Stranger: i like satay

You: The meatloaf is anything you want it to be. Especially cake. But especially satay.

Stranger: i love bakso

You: You are wise beyond your years, Latrom.

Stranger: hey, i was kidding. my name isn’t latrom lol

You: I am aware of this, for I have seen much

Stranger: my name is bond, james bond

You: The fiend! Incidentally, can you play the meat organ? It is a wonderful instrument

Stranger: really?

You: Oh yes, although the suffering required to acquire such a device is extreme

Stranger: so, what song did you play?

You: It’s a little ditty I like to call “Sleep now, young one, for the harvest is nigh”. Soothes children very well.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

***

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Some call me John.

Stranger: hi i am a horny 19 male that is lookingg for someone to chatt with

You: I am an elderly Norwegian Caterpillar looking for a pina colada.

Stranger: what?

You: It broke my heart many a moon ago…

You: I have been searching ever since

You: Will you help me?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

***

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Look, I’m an atlantean unicorn, don’t judge me!

Stranger: finally someone with some substance!

Stranger: i love unicorns!

You: Wonderful! will you help me slay the potato army in the 12th dimension?

Stranger: Gladly!

You: Verily, I say! we must be off, forsooth.

Stranger: onward!

You: Meet me at the docks, on the 13th of november, under a large pink sign that clearly states: Meat organs available here!

Stranger: I’ll see you there

You: Until then, goodnight, sweet prince.

Stranger: sleep well comrade

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

***

This question is gay, and so are you. Discuss.

Stranger 2: Actually, that would be an accurate statement.

Stranger 2: Good job, Spy.

***

You’re now watching two strangers discuss your question!

Question to discuss:

This question is gay, and so are you. Discuss.

Stranger 2: yes i am

Stranger 1: I’m gay?! I had no idea :O

Stranger 2: its not good

Stranger 2: i have aids

Stranger 2: also my mother hates me

Stranger 2: and my father raped her

Stranger 2: and ate all the burgers

Stranger 2: wat do

Stranger 1: Not the burgers D:

Stranger 2: MY MANWICH

Stranger 1 has disconnected

***

1 note